many things happened in very very short span of time. maybe too much for me to digest. i've been laughing, crying, angry, sick, jealous and envious.

i hate it hate it hate it when i get hyped up for something the whole damn day, and then it freaking doesnt happen. but i was promised wasn't i?

i know i know. the reasonable side of me knows i shud just give in, since its not very often my friends get visitors from overseas. moreover, important people to them. but the childish side of me feels its unfair.

as a reflex reaction. i complained and whined about it. yes, i caused everyone unhappiness by doing that. and then i've decided to just let it go and ask them to go ahead. why must they be pissed with me? i'm only human. i can have a reaction right? and i did tell them like within half an hour that they can just go ahead.

whats with the stupid rubbish of compromising both sides, making her pissed off with me. and then you girls all and have fun with her elsewhere. while my hyped up night just dissolved in silence.

i just know you girls most prob think you've had it with me. but i just felt it was unfair. was alrdy trying to give in and let you girls go ahead, so why still must complain about me!

i'm not sure if i felt more anger or disappointment. and i had this long conversation with karen. and i just cried and cried non stop. like a stupid idiot.

i know this entry might invite more anger.

but i want to say i'm wrong. and i know i am. for blowing up, being childish, and making things difficult.

anyway, i had a loooong conversation with both karen and vivien. i'm really really glad to have them by my side.

just remember the first time i ever fell out of love. i was crying like a stupid idiot, in the business block, with karen comforting me, staring at pple who stare at me, and cursing off that bloody stupid guy!

today i had a lot of fun with karen and danny! (: and i'm sorry for making you detour to pick vivien up, get jammed up with the traffic, get pek chek, and on top of that still very tired.

was really sad to see your scars too. i wished you'll run to me and cry like a stupid idiot too, and i'll stare off pple, comfort you, and curse whatever nonsense thats making you cry. dont wan you alone in that four walls!!

was cruising the net, and thought of leaving an encouraging comment on someone's blog. to tell her not to wallow in self pity, to buck up and face life as it is. to have confidence in life and work hard for goals.

only to hit a rock solid wall. a solid mirror reflecting my ugly self. who am i to leave a comment? when i cant walk out of my own maze. when obviously everyone's giving me a hand to guide me out.

i'm not sure if i cant reach them, or that i wont reach out.

this is life pple. there's no such thing as satisfaction.

if the heart is always searching, can you ever find a home?

taken off from someone's facebook comment. but damn good writing. we often have lost feelings. feelings like something is missing, but you dont know what you're searching for. and then you might never ever find it..

anyway, this is not an emo post. (: i'm feeling happy btw. can you guys feel it? haha

exams are coming... STRESSED! i really gotta do well! or else my parents will be disappointed in me.

in this sem, i've not adjusted well. still lazing and slacking, and being really naughty.

really thank those pple whom i've always relied on in school! i'll try my very best next sem to pay you all back. or in the very least, take away my burden from you guys k? (:

thanks pple!

loving dinner gatherings with lampy, miche, emmo, becca, zing! they're the best fun bunch!

thanks girls for listening to my endless chatter. and laughing. i'm not even sure was it boring or not. haha

and for putting up with my damn loud and embarrassing voice! hehe

love you girls!

lynette lui needs to get her life in order.

live life with confidence. and stop being pessimistic! (:

i miss mahjong sessions.
i miss joking around in school.
i miss kicking around from blk 50 to canteen 2.
i miss skipping school for swensons.
i miss studying at a super messy house.
i miss studying in a huge bunch.
i miss sleeping in class.
i miss laughing till i spit water in the bus.
i miss standing in blk 50 and discussing for half an hr just to decide what to eat.
i miss copying assignments.
i miss gossiping at the back of the class.
i miss every thing that went on in the past.

but i seem to be slowly forgetting the details.

forgetting really helped me a lot in my life. but sometimes, it just frightens.
Dear Lord, i dont want to forget those happy stuffs. keep them for me k? (:

wish i could be free to celebrate every single friend's birthday. the very least i can do for all the pple who are so good to me.

but i cant. ):

i just wish i could stay in this 4 walls, never walk out to see the world. and just catch a glimpse of the world from behind this computer screen.

after all, never seeing before makes pple full of dreams of a beautiful world out there.

and dreams are often better than reality.

its so difficult out there. i hate this confusion and hopelessness.

The Moment you are in Tension
You will lose your Attention
Then you are in total Confusion
And you will feel Irritation
Then you will spoil personal
Relation
Ultimately, you won't get Co -
Operation
Then you will turn things into
Complication
Then your blood pressure may raise
Caution
And you may have to take Medication

Instead, understand the Situation
And try to think about the Solution
Many problems will be solved by
Discussion
This will work out better in your
Profession
Don't think it's my free Suggestion
It's only for your Prevention
If you understand my Intention
You will never come again to Tension

just gets more and more painful everyday.

separating into two different person. one whom i hate, and the other who hates me.

i just feel like crying every single day of my fucked up life ):

when will goodbye come?

hate life.

everyone's gotta be strong at some point. for example, they can be damn stupid but damn pretty. damn short but damn hot figure. damn uncoughed but damn kind. damn poor but damn happy. bla bla bla bla and vice versa.

but i'm just one useless average general human being with no outstanding trades, but just every single unwanted trade.

gotta be the most stupid one, the fattest one, the poorest one, the most restricted one, the most unkind one, the most uncoughed one.

life just totally sucks for me.

sometimes i wonder, God is not fair. how come we're not made equal?

and then some bugger comes along and say most probably i did bad deeds in my past life or something.

which just gets me thinking, what if i do good now. i'll totally enjoy my next life huh? (:

BUT, like how the hell will i know i'm enjoying, as in the present me, in this mentality, will not be the same next life me. just like i didn know what damn stupid hell misdeeds i did in my past life.

so therefore, this explanation is illogical, and just some poor mans idea of consoling himself.

so how come some pple have all the moolah. some have all the looks and character. while some have all the brains? its just not fair.

and on top of being the most useless one alrdy. i have to have the worst and most unkind mindset of all too.

many things i would say it would only be myself to blame. and then again.

many things happened that has absolutely nothing to do with karma too right.

i wish i can find that one simple explanation. just one very logical one, that'll convince me to give up sulking.

give me the perfect explanation somebody! ):

signing off as lynette, the most useless one of all ~

i want to teach secondary school maths tuition! anyone has any lobangs? (:

$200 for 4 sessions, each session 2 hrs.

or else grps of 2-4. one person $160 - $120?

someone gimme lobang pls. ): i'm broke ~

it took me 20 years to realise i have absolute no luck with money.

and many big falls to realise i should stay out of love's way.

from that day onwards, i will work hard to earn what i want, and i'll take care of myself till i grow old and die.

i cant remember who mentioned this to me.

that only i can love myself the way i need to be loved.

it sounded quite ridiculous at the point in time, but what pple say often come back to huant you.

Its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

but opinions differ from person to person. dont they?

i wish someone would just hug me now, and tell me everything's gonna be alright.

and i certainly wish that someone who hugs me, will not leave my side like everyone else did.

i'm having conflicting emotions as to what kind of person i want to be.

but i do know what kind of person i should be. its just tiring to wear masks all the time.

need to settle down that noisy heart of mine, and come to a proper decision.

and what i really need this time, is to stick to my decision, and not split halfway again!

i love my timetable! (:

maximum day is 9-3. tues half day. fri no sch (:

Lumpy got a distinction in piano and we gonna trade skills! (: LOVES! (:

gonna be a bridesmaid in two years and i am so freaking excited now! in fact, i was excited one month ago, and the excitement is not dying down. (:

failed my prac 4 again today and find myself practically useless. but i'm not gonna give up! (:

alrighty, thats about all the good news i can think of right now.

i wish life weren't so bad. but sometimes when i have blessings, i ought to count them and magnify them! that way, grey skies will look far away (:

for money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money is.

what about the need for money?